The surmountable trials of Lady Ghana


Pick-me-up advice to Ghanaian men

Dear Ghanaian men,

You love foreign women, and you certainly cannot be accused of shyness. Here are a few tips that will guarantee your success when chatting up foreign women.

First it is important that you take special care in your personal grooming. Adopt a cool dreadlocks style and wear extra large sunglasses. When you see women walking down the street, hail at them something like “Hallo sista. Lookin’ good t’day, ooo?”. Repeat it each time you see them so that they will know that you really care about them.

Mention their body parts. If possible, back up with ample gestures. Use expressions like “big bottom” while ogling them – it will boost their self-esteem and they will enjoy being reminded that years of heat combined with a lack of exercise have acquired them traditional African curves.

If they innocently greet you while passing you by, do not under any circumstance beat around the bush. Instead politely strike a conversation by saying “Ah. Nice breasts. You have nice breasts”. Avoid eye contact at all costs and stare at the said breasts while shaking your head to show your appreciation. God forbid that you would say or tolerate someone else say such rude things to your female Ghanaian friend, but foreign women love to be harangued that way.

Come up with a sexy profession, such as artist or photographer. Tell them how you have been suffering for your art to be internationally recognized but that unfortunately you lack the financial means to make it happen. Insist that women are your true inspiration and that is why all your paintings depict (again) voluminous curves, female genital parts and couples having intercourse. They will want to help by buying one of your paintings and will display it proudly in their living room to show it to their female guests.

And be spiritual. Foreign women want to hear that God has revealed you that you were destined to marry a foreigner. He will eventually speak to them in a dream as well. At the very least, he will convince them of your crucial need of a flat screen TV or of sponsorship for a visa to their country.

Do not be deterred by the presence of other men when trying to pick up foreign women. If you think they might be having a drink with their boyfriend, or listening to some live concert with their husband, it is an appropriate time to make a move. Walk straight to them and assuming that they will happily oblige, pull them to the dance floor and woo them with your dancing savoir-faire while their man will be left staring incredulously. Better still, if you are a customs official and you see a couple, married from the look of their passports, trying to enter your country, ask the foreign woman to show you her boarding pass and while her husband is watching, write your mobile phone number at the back and invite her to “call you” with a broad smile.

Above all, never lose hope. Should you regularly get shut down, assume that foreign women regularly enjoy being annoyed. Who knows, one day these efforts of yours may finally pay off.

Yours sincerely,

Lady Ghana

cool ghana dude  cool ghana dude2